Jokes!

[madpropsnohops]

Tell us your favorite jokes here
Me first:
What's the worst thing that can hapen 2 a bat?

2 get diarea when sleeping

[Spartan]

What do ya call a monkey holding a stick of Dynamite?


A Ba-BOOM

[gunhill]

Originally Posted by Spartan

What do ya call a monkey holding a stick of Dynamite?


A Ba-BOOM

yo nice joke !

Test : Do you Have Childs???
a) yes
B) no
C) I dont know

[madpropsnohops]

Originally Posted by gunhill

yo nice joke !

Test : Do you Have Childs???
a) yes
B) no
C) I dont know

answer
b)no

[Spartan]

Two Bats are in a cave, the first bat flies off to go scout for some food.

A little while later he returns and says "Ere mate, theres some pretty tasy bugs out there tonight"

So the second bat then flies off to look for some food.

A few minutes later the second bat returns, face covered in blood.

The First bat says, "what happened!?"

To which the second bat replies, "you see that spire, over there?"

"yea?"

"I didn't"

[youngtricker]

What's worse than finding a bug in your sandwhich?

The Holocaust

Sorry, I had to.

[sysonpyh]

this is my favourite atm

I LOVE BEANS

Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible passion for baked beans. He loved them, but they always had an embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction on him. One day, he met a girl and fell in love.

When it was apparent that they would marry, he thought to himself, "She'll never go through with the marriage if I carry on like this." So he made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans. Shortly after that they were married.

A few months later, on the way home from work, his car broke down and since they lived in the country, he telephoned his wife and told her that he would be late because he had to walk.

On his way home, he passed a small cafe and the wonderful aroma of baked beans overwhelmed him. Since he still had several miles to walk, he thought he would walk off any ill effects before he got home. So he went in and ordered three extra large helpings of beans.

All the way home he farted. By the time he arrived home, he felt reasonably safe. His wife met him at the door and seemed somewhat excited. She exclaimed, "Darling, I have the most wonderful surprise for dinner tonight!"

She put a blindfold on him and led him to his chair at the head of the table and made him promise not to peek. At this point he was beginning to feel another fart coming on. Just as his wife was about to remove the blindfold, the phone rang. She again made him promise not to peek until she returned and went to answer the phone.

While she was gone, he seized the opportunity. He shifted his weight to one leg and let go. It was not only loud, but ripe as a rotten egg. He had a hard time breathing, so he felt for his napkin and fanned the air about him.

He had just started to feel better when another urge came on. He raised his leg and rrriiipppp! It sounded like a diesel engine revving and smelled even worse. To keep himself from gagging, he tried fanning his arms a while, hoping the smell would dissipate.

Things had just about returned to normal when he felt another urge coming. He shifted his weight to his other leg and let go. This was a real blue ribbon winner; the windows shook, the dishes on the table rattled and a minute later, the flowers on the table were dead.

While keeping an ear tuned in on the conversation in the hallway, and keeping his promise of staying blindfolded, he carried on like this for the next 10 minutes, farting and then fanning each time with his napkin. When he heard the phone farewells (indicating the end of his loneliness and freedom), he neatly laid his napkin on his lap and folded his hands on top of it.

Smiling contently, he was the picture of innocence when his wife walked in. Apologizing for taking so long, she asked if he had peeked at the dinner table. After assuring her he had not peeked, she removed the blindfold and yelled, "SURPRISE!" To his shock and horror, there were twelve dinner guests seated around the table for his surprise birthday party.

[youngtricker]

I tire of this thread..

[Spartan]

Originally Posted by sysonpyh

this is my favourite atm

I LOVE BEANS

Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible passion for baked beans. He loved them, but they always had an embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction on him. One day, he met a girl and fell in love.

When it was apparent that they would marry, he thought to himself, "She'll never go through with the marriage if I carry on like this." So he made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans. Shortly after that they were married.

A few months later, on the way home from work, his car broke down and since they lived in the country, he telephoned his wife and told her that he would be late because he had to walk.

On his way home, he passed a small cafe and the wonderful aroma of baked beans overwhelmed him. Since he still had several miles to walk, he thought he would walk off any ill effects before he got home. So he went in and ordered three extra large helpings of beans.

All the way home he farted. By the time he arrived home, he felt reasonably safe. His wife met him at the door and seemed somewhat excited. She exclaimed, "Darling, I have the most wonderful surprise for dinner tonight!"

She put a blindfold on him and led him to his chair at the head of the table and made him promise not to peek. At this point he was beginning to feel another fart coming on. Just as his wife was about to remove the blindfold, the phone rang. She again made him promise not to peek until she returned and went to answer the phone.

While she was gone, he seized the opportunity. He shifted his weight to one leg and let go. It was not only loud, but ripe as a rotten egg. He had a hard time breathing, so he felt for his napkin and fanned the air about him.

He had just started to feel better when another urge came on. He raised his leg and rrriiipppp! It sounded like a diesel engine revving and smelled even worse. To keep himself from gagging, he tried fanning his arms a while, hoping the smell would dissipate.

Things had just about returned to normal when he felt another urge coming. He shifted his weight to his other leg and let go. This was a real blue ribbon winner; the windows shook, the dishes on the table rattled and a minute later, the flowers on the table were dead.

While keeping an ear tuned in on the conversation in the hallway, and keeping his promise of staying blindfolded, he carried on like this for the next 10 minutes, farting and then fanning each time with his napkin. When he heard the phone farewells (indicating the end of his loneliness and freedom), he neatly laid his napkin on his lap and folded his hands on top of it.

Smiling contently, he was the picture of innocence when his wife walked in. Apologizing for taking so long, she asked if he had peeked at the dinner table. After assuring her he had not peeked, she removed the blindfold and yelled, "SURPRISE!" To his shock and horror, there were twelve dinner guests seated around the table for his surprise birthday party.

LMAO , man that was good

[JMac32]

Ok here's one, courtesy of dougthonus on realgm


Ok so a guy walks into a bar and sits down in front of the bartender, then he says, "i bet you $100 that i can bite my eye", so the bartender says, "your on."

So he takes out his glass eye and puts it in his mouth and then he says "i bet you $100 more dollars i can bite my other eye" the bartender realizing that he can't have 2 glass eyes says, "your on"

so then the man takes out his false teeth and bites his eye.

Then he walks over to a man at one of the booths and whispers to him. Then he walks back to the bartender and says "ok, so i feel sorry that i had you down $200 dollars without you really knowing, so, i bet that if you take a mug and slide it down the bar i can pee every drop in it, double or nothing."

The bartender then happy says, "your on"

So the bartender takes a glass and slides it down the bar, and the man pees, and only gets about 2 drops into the glass, and everything else was over the bar.

Then the bartender was laughing histarically saying, "wow, your an idiot for doing that!!!! But, why did you do it?"

Then the man said, "i bet that guy over there $500 that i could pee all over the bar and you would laugh about it."